Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park
Memories consume
like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
and say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
so I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
so I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
and this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
tonight.
From the album, Meteora
Produced by Don Gilmore and Released under Warner Bros. Records
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
What Can I Do by The Corrs
I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better, yeah
If I don't try and I don't hope
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
No more waiting, no more, aching...
No more fighting, no more, trying...
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just going to let it fly
What can I do to make you love me
(What can I do to make you love me)
What can I do to make you care
(What can I do to make you care)
What can I say to make you feel this
(What can I do to make you love me)
What can I do to get you there
(What can I do to make you care)
What can I do to make you love me
(What can I do to make you love me)
What can I do to make you care
(What can I do to make you care)
What can I change to make you feel this
(What can I do to make you love me)
What can I do to get you there
(What can I do to make you care)
And love me... love me...
Love me... love me...
Love me... love me...
Love me... love me...
Love me... love me...
Love me... love me...
From the album, Talk on Corners
Produced by Glen Ballard and Released under Atlantic Records/143/Lava
Clueless
It started last Friday.
You'd figure that at my age I should have at least a hint as to where I should be heading to in my life. Most of my high school batch mates seem to have it made. They have achieved their ambitions and have actually become what they wrote in our yearbook. Some wrote that they wanted to become lawyers and engineers, while others opted to forward more general statements like "To become successful," or "To excel in my chosen field."
Oddly enough, I was curious to know what it was that I have written as my aspiration in life. I was kind of excited to find out and actually see two things: 1) if I was smart enough, at that time, to figure out what I really wanted to pursue and be able to articulate it in written form; and 2) if I did write something, it should match my current job description or should at least be somewhere along the lines of the articulated ambition. When I looked at my page in the yearbook, I was taken aback, the darned "My ambition is to become a.." statement was INCOMPLETE! It was unfinished. I tried to remember what I wrote before but, as recalling past incidents is not one of my stronger points, I was unable to recall anything. I had no past to look back to. It certainly foreboded a hazy future for me. An uncertain and directionless future. I was aghast.
What DID I want to become? I was thinking of the things that had such life-changing effects on me during that time. What held my fascination back then? So much so that it would become the object of my quest for a so-called productive and fulfilled adult life. This thought has been my preoccupation for a time now. 'Tis became a sort of reflection on what I had dreamt of becoming in the past. Did I want to become a psychotherapist? Or a theater actor perhaps? Or did I even consider that I wanted to become a writer? Or maybe even a professional bum? All these questions might help me retrace my thoughts as an awkward, pimple-ridden 17 year-old teener. Emphasis on the MIGHT.
Why do I obsess on finding out the answer to this question? Aside from the fact that I AM an OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE-FREAK-OF-NATURE, I do realize the value of knowing my past for me to progress and achieve my future. I guess, for me, knowing my ambition in life would help me assess how far off-track or near the finish line I am in achieving my dream in life.
Now I am 27. Ten years later, one would expect that this issue would been already resolved. But it would seem that I am nowhere near discovering what I really wanted to become to in life. But I think that this is where the beauty of living life lies, having something to look forward to. Something you yearn to discover and find out eventually. Something that makes each waking morning an adventure. Something that makes you strive to survive every trial and difficulty that comes your way. It is that something that helps to keep life interesting. It is that something that helps you to move forward despite not knowing where you should go.
I am still looking around for answers. I still AM clueless, but certainly not hopeless.
You'd figure that at my age I should have at least a hint as to where I should be heading to in my life. Most of my high school batch mates seem to have it made. They have achieved their ambitions and have actually become what they wrote in our yearbook. Some wrote that they wanted to become lawyers and engineers, while others opted to forward more general statements like "To become successful," or "To excel in my chosen field."
Oddly enough, I was curious to know what it was that I have written as my aspiration in life. I was kind of excited to find out and actually see two things: 1) if I was smart enough, at that time, to figure out what I really wanted to pursue and be able to articulate it in written form; and 2) if I did write something, it should match my current job description or should at least be somewhere along the lines of the articulated ambition. When I looked at my page in the yearbook, I was taken aback, the darned "My ambition is to become a.." statement was INCOMPLETE! It was unfinished. I tried to remember what I wrote before but, as recalling past incidents is not one of my stronger points, I was unable to recall anything. I had no past to look back to. It certainly foreboded a hazy future for me. An uncertain and directionless future. I was aghast.
What DID I want to become? I was thinking of the things that had such life-changing effects on me during that time. What held my fascination back then? So much so that it would become the object of my quest for a so-called productive and fulfilled adult life. This thought has been my preoccupation for a time now. 'Tis became a sort of reflection on what I had dreamt of becoming in the past. Did I want to become a psychotherapist? Or a theater actor perhaps? Or did I even consider that I wanted to become a writer? Or maybe even a professional bum? All these questions might help me retrace my thoughts as an awkward, pimple-ridden 17 year-old teener. Emphasis on the MIGHT.
Why do I obsess on finding out the answer to this question? Aside from the fact that I AM an OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE-FREAK-OF-NATURE, I do realize the value of knowing my past for me to progress and achieve my future. I guess, for me, knowing my ambition in life would help me assess how far off-track or near the finish line I am in achieving my dream in life.
Now I am 27. Ten years later, one would expect that this issue would been already resolved. But it would seem that I am nowhere near discovering what I really wanted to become to in life. But I think that this is where the beauty of living life lies, having something to look forward to. Something you yearn to discover and find out eventually. Something that makes each waking morning an adventure. Something that makes you strive to survive every trial and difficulty that comes your way. It is that something that helps to keep life interesting. It is that something that helps you to move forward despite not knowing where you should go.
I am still looking around for answers. I still AM clueless, but certainly not hopeless.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Perfect Day by Hoku
Sun's up
A little after twelve
make breakfast for myself
leave the work for someone else
People say
they say that it's just a phase
they tell me to act my age,
well I am
On this perfect day,
nothing's standing in my way
On this perfect day,
when nothing can go wrong
It's the perfect day,
tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I could stay,
forever as I am
On this perfect day
Sun's down
a little after ten
I pick up all my friends
in my Mercedes-Benz
Wake up
don't tell me it's just a dream
'Cause when I've had enough
you'll hear me say,
now don't you try to rain on my
Perfect day,
nothing's standing in my way
On this perfect day,
nothing can go wrong
It's the perfect day,
tomorrow's gonna come too soon
I could stay,
forever as I am
on this perfect day
La la la
La la la
La la la
La la
I'm in the race
but I've already won
(La la la)
And getting there can
be half the fun
(La la la)
So don't stop me
'til I'm good and done,
don't you try to rain on my
Perfect day
It's the perfect day
It's the perfect day
Nothing's gonna bring me down
I could stay,
forever as I am
On this perfect day
Nothing's standing in my way
On this perfect day,
nothing can go wrong
I'm in the race
but I've already won
And getting there can
be half the fun,
So don't stop me
'til I'm good and done,
don't you try to rain on my
Perfect day
On this perfect day
On this perfect day
From the OST - Legally Blonde (2001)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Forget About Me by Lil Bit
Hmm...
Whoaaa oohhh whoa oohhh
Yeah
You said it wasn't
gonna be like it was before
Then it happened again,
pushing me back out the door
Thought it would be for real this time
Love me forget about the signs
So now what do I do,
now that I know that we're through
Wish that I could move on
can't let go, it's too strong
Just like that and then you're gone
Is this how you wanted it to be
Everything you had to say
sent the tears right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape
the misery
Why don't you love me
the way I loved you
It feels so crazy
'cause I dunno what I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me
then do it quickly
’cause I'm tired of cryin’
If you don't wanna stick around
then, baby, forget about me
Too late, sorry
I didn't even had the chance
You said you were happy
baby, I don't understand
Gave you everything you asked for
and was ready to give you a lot more
I would've given you the world
right in the palm of your hand
Wish that I could move on
can't let go, it's too strong
Just like that and then you're gone
Was this how you wanted it to be
Everything you had to say
sent the tears right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape
the misery
Why don't you love me
the way I loved you
It feels so crazy
’cause I dunno what I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me
then do it quickly
’cause I'm tired of cryin’
If you don't wanna stick around
then, baby, forget about me
Boy, my heart was true
and that you can't deny
Don't be a fool
and walk away from all the lies
It's up to you
’cause heaven knows I've tried
Tell me you're still in love
yeah yeah ohh
Why don't you love me
the way I loved you
It feels so crazy
'cause I dunno what I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me
then do it quickly
’cause I'm tired of cryin’
If you don't wanna stick around
then, baby, forget about me
forget about me...
...I really loved you.
From the album, LIL BIT
Produced by Scott Storch and Released under Water Music
Friday, April 25, 2008
Animal Instinct by The Cranberries
Suddenly something has happened to me
as I was having my cup of tea
Suddenly I was feeling depressed
I was utterly and totally stressed
Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die
And the thing that gets to me
is you'll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
is I'll always be in doubt
It is a lovely thing that we have
It is a lovely thing that we
It is a lovely thing, the animal
the animal instinct
So take my hands and come with me
we will change reality
So take my hands and we will pray
They won't take you away
They will never make me cry, no
They will never make me die
And the thing that gets to me
is you'll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
is I'll always be in doubt
The animal, the animal,
the animal instinct in me
It's the animal, the animal,
the animal instinct in me
It's the animal, it's the animal,
It's the animal instinct in me.
It's the animal, it's the animal,
the animal instinct in me
The animal, the animal,
the animal instinct in me
It's the animal, it's the animal,
It's the animal instinct in me.
From the album, Bury the Hatchet
Produced by Benedict Fenner and Released under Island Records
Soaking Up the Music
Nothing much to do... Shrouding myself with (what I found quite surprisingly) comforting music from The Cranberries (Bury the Hatchet). I could almost feel each word coursing through every vein in my body. Hmmm...
Funny how music altered my current condition. Methinks there must be something to this "music-soothes-the-savage-beast" thing. Just a few hours back, I was a nervous wreck: I couldn't darn sleep, I had this god-awful taste in my mouth and I felt like my prefrontal cortex was throbbing. I got numbed feet and this creepy-crawly sensation pervaded my limbs. I didn't know what came over me. I got out of bed and went to the lavatory. I brushed my teeth for a third time and drank a tall glass of ice-cold water. I was quite refreshed when I got back to my room. I managed to wrestle my pillows to a good position in bed and got some shut-eye probably around 3am.
This morning I felt a lot better (after belting out a few chords). Well, better than before I got to sleep, that is. I think listening to music solaced my anguish and momentarily appeased the raging fervor I have somehow (unconsciously) nurtured.
It's a Friday. And, for crying out loud, I should be relieved that the weekend is just peeking around the corner... But I sense that this eoan episode of oddities is just a taste of other psychosomatic occurrences coming my way. And oh, what a looong weekend this will be... A looong, long weekend. Sigh.
Funny how music altered my current condition. Methinks there must be something to this "music-soothes-the-savage-beast" thing. Just a few hours back, I was a nervous wreck: I couldn't darn sleep, I had this god-awful taste in my mouth and I felt like my prefrontal cortex was throbbing. I got numbed feet and this creepy-crawly sensation pervaded my limbs. I didn't know what came over me. I got out of bed and went to the lavatory. I brushed my teeth for a third time and drank a tall glass of ice-cold water. I was quite refreshed when I got back to my room. I managed to wrestle my pillows to a good position in bed and got some shut-eye probably around 3am.
This morning I felt a lot better (after belting out a few chords). Well, better than before I got to sleep, that is. I think listening to music solaced my anguish and momentarily appeased the raging fervor I have somehow (unconsciously) nurtured.
It's a Friday. And, for crying out loud, I should be relieved that the weekend is just peeking around the corner... But I sense that this eoan episode of oddities is just a taste of other psychosomatic occurrences coming my way. And oh, what a looong weekend this will be... A looong, long weekend. Sigh.
I Try by Macy Gray
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But were not
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm feignin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front (just a front)
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm feignin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny (deny)
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm feignin'
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
From the album, On How Life Is
Produced by Andrew Slater and Released under Epic
Colors by Amos Lee
Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Feeling like such a mess
Now I’m down I’m just hanging on the corner
I can’t help but reminisce
Cause when you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone, no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade
Your mama called she said that you’re downstairs crying
Feeling like such a mess
Yeah I hear you, you’re in the background bawling
What happened to your sweet summertime dress
I know we all, we all got our faults
We get locked in our vaults and we stay
But when you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone, no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade
Colors seem to fade
Yeah.
Produced by Lee Alexander and Released under Blue Note Records
To Have and Not to Hold by Madonna
To have and not to hold
So hot yet so cold
My heart is in your hand
And yet you never stand
Close enough for me
to have my way
To love but not to keep
To laugh not to weep
Your eyes they go right through
And yet you never do
Anything to make me want to stay
Like a moth to a flame
Only I am to blame
Ba ba da ba ba ba
What can I do
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I go straight to you
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I've been told
You're to have
Not to hold
To look but not to see
To kiss but never be
The object of your desire
I'm walking on a wire
And there's no one at all
To break my fall
Like a moth to a flame
Only I am to blame
Ba ba da ba ba ba
What can I do
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I go straight to you
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I've been told
You're to have
Not to hold
You're to have not to hold
You're to have not to hold
Like a moth to a flame
Only I am to blame
Ba ba da ba ba ba
What can I do
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I go straight to you
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I've been told
You're to have
Not to hold
You're to have not to hold
You're to have not to hold
You're to have not to hold
From the album, Madonna, Ray of Light
Produced by Madonna, William Orbit, Patrick Leonard and Released under Maverick, Warner Bros.
Loud and Clear by The Cranberries
I hope that you miss me
Put me down on history
I feel such a reject now
Get yourself a life
I hope that you're sorry
For not accepting me
For not adoring me
Thats why I'm not your wife
People are stranger
People in danger
People are stranger
People deranged
I remember there was
Nothing I could ever do
Never could impress you
Even if I tried
Tell somebody who cares
Fill the room with empty stares
Go to bed and say my prayers
Keep them satisfied
People are stranger
People in danger
People are stranger
People deranged
Loud and clear I make my point my dear
I hope that you never
Get the things you wanted to
Now I cast a spell on you
Complicate your life
Hope you get a puncture
Everywhere you ever drive
Hope the sun beats down on you and
Skin yourself alive
Ra la la la la la la la
Ra la la la la la la la
Ra la la la la la la la
Ra la la la la la la la
Ra la la la la la la la
Ra la la la la la la la
From the album, Bury the Hatchet
Produced by Benedict Fenner and Released under Island Records
Thursday, April 24, 2008
My Immortal by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
From the album, Evanescence, Fallen
Produced by Dave Fortman and Released under Wind-up Records
Migraine by Moonstar88
Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo
Hindi sinasadya
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Hindi po ang sagot, hindi rin isang tanong
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Dahil, di na makatulog (makatulog)
Dahil di na makakain (makakain)
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil, hindi na
Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo... Nahihilo...
Nalilito...
From the album, Moonstar88, TODO COMBO
Produced by Buddy Zabala and Released under Sony-BMG Philippines
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Pokémon FanArt ... So Darned Cute!
I've been a Pokémon fiend since I was in high school. It had become such a persistent and disturbing preoccupation-slash-addiction for me that playing the game had eaten much of my free (and not-so-free) time.
I was able to enjoy my very first Pokémon game despite the fact that it was entirely in Japanese. I had to do a lot of trial-and-error with the commands and menus. Imagine me commanding Pidgey to use Gust but I almost always ended up using Sand-Attack instead. Leveling up is another thing, when you have to choose what techniques to learn, retain and forget making my gameplay quite tasking. If I remember it right, I was able to reach Cerulean City after a grueling eight and a half weeks of wandering aimlessly through Mount Moon. I was still unable to finish the Cerulean Gym though. Hmmm... enough reminiscing for now.
What I actually wanted to do was to share this video shown to me by a colleague. It's just so darned cute! I immediately succumbed to the sugary-sweet-marshmallowy feel of this one. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Here's where I got this video: http://kotaku.com/382902/no-way-should-pokemon-be-this-cute-like-ever
The Pokémon world is colossal. And great. And amazing. And hey, did I already mention, great?! I can't possibly begin to enumerate the qualities of this astounding game without suffering from a sudden and violent seizure due to the utter lack of oxygen in my brain. I must remember what the doctor said to me in therapy, "Remember to breathe and you'll just be fine." I'll be saving the gorier details of my (mis)adventures with this game for another time. That's it for now. ;)
I was able to enjoy my very first Pokémon game despite the fact that it was entirely in Japanese. I had to do a lot of trial-and-error with the commands and menus. Imagine me commanding Pidgey to use Gust but I almost always ended up using Sand-Attack instead. Leveling up is another thing, when you have to choose what techniques to learn, retain and forget making my gameplay quite tasking. If I remember it right, I was able to reach Cerulean City after a grueling eight and a half weeks of wandering aimlessly through Mount Moon. I was still unable to finish the Cerulean Gym though. Hmmm... enough reminiscing for now.
What I actually wanted to do was to share this video shown to me by a colleague. It's just so darned cute! I immediately succumbed to the sugary-sweet-marshmallowy feel of this one. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
Here's where I got this video: http://kotaku.com/382902/no-way-should-pokemon-be-this-cute-like-ever
The Pokémon world is colossal. And great. And amazing. And hey, did I already mention, great?! I can't possibly begin to enumerate the qualities of this astounding game without suffering from a sudden and violent seizure due to the utter lack of oxygen in my brain. I must remember what the doctor said to me in therapy, "Remember to breathe and you'll just be fine." I'll be saving the gorier details of my (mis)adventures with this game for another time. That's it for now. ;)
Monday, April 21, 2008
Pushed to the Limit
Have you ever been pushed to the limit? When either your skill or patience was brought to an excruciating bend, so close as to reach its breaking point? In school? At work? By friends? Parents? Or even by love (and/or its permutations)? Ahh... love. Wait, I'm getting in way ahead into my favorite topic. I can hardly contain my excitement. No, seriously. This is me, excited. Oh well.
In school, there are a few things given (or even driven) to pushing you to the edge: the bully, the terror teacher and the omnipresent and bone-crushing, mind-numbing MATH. These things either break your spirit and make you cringe at the mere thought of them, or they make you stronger by surviving their ordeal. In my case I survived both the bully and the terror teacher unscathed. I learned that you can sweet-talk yourself out of compromising situations with people, but with MATH?! NO! There's no reasoning with MATH! I had to dive into countless algebraic equations and swim through a horde of numbers just so I can finish my studies. Fortunately, I made it. But the emotional scars left by MATH will forever be engraved in my psyche. Aargh!!! MATH!
After unsuccessfully dodging Statistics, Math 101 and General Accounting (ugh... reminiscing about it still gives me the chills) during college, I finished my degree in Behavioral Science. After graduation, little did I know that the objects of my anguish will become insignificant as compared to those that I'll be encountering when I enter the corporate scene.
I landed my first job in a manufacturing company. Actually, I didn't apply personally for the post there. I sorta tagged along with my classmates who were called in for an interview. I ended up filling the vacancy instead of them. Lucky for me, I was eased up rather smoothly into my job. I was having a breeze with the tasks assigned and finished earlier than scheduled. Things were quite, how should I put it, nice. Or so I thought.
The first few months passed quickly. I didn't notice that my boss was slowly piling up work on my table. It was just fine for as long as the tasks delegated were found along the lines of MY job description. Not that I minded doing extra stuff. I did a lot of 'detours' in the course of doing my job. 'Detours' that often took more time doing than what I should be really doing. I didn't mind. For a time. But when I started doing stuff found in my boss' job description, well, that's when I draw the line. At first I just thought of it as some form of training, an initiation of sorts, a succession thing if you would. But he started giving stuff to me to process, and later on present it as if he was the one who actually did it. No mention of poor me. I said fine, "Okay. I'll let it slide this time." I found myself letting the same situations slide and go, until I got pissed. You know why? Imagine a servile staff up-to-his-neck in tasks plus tasks by his not-so-nice boss plus deadlines for the following day plus client demands and requests. Then imagine this servile staff (with all of those tasks) seeing his boss: 1) talk on the phone with his posse for hours; 2) watch basketball on TV; 3) go home early despite the number of tasks served on our (or in this case, MY) plate. That was the last straw. I got so mad, I shot him. With an AK-47 automatic rifle I have been reserving for such an emergency. (I would have settled for the Molotov cocktails I made the previous night, but I figured the impact from the blast might send shrapnel flying in my direction.) I fired at him until I was satisfied. Blood splattered across his room. With innards gutting out from his stomach, he was dead. Well, at least in my mind he was dead. Ahh.. to be gifted with such a sane disposition. I love myself. Now moving on. I'll just let the janitor stuff the dead body (or what's left of it) in a black garbage bag and dump it somewhere in the vicinity.
Peer pressure. Not actually pushing you to your limits but more of testing your constitution, pushing you to do stuff you wouldn't normally do without being, well, pressured. A test of how long before you give in to a boyfriend asking for a taste of your most prized possession (well, until you lose it that is): virginity. Or even a test of how well you can fend off the influence to smoke. Or how often you resist not to binge on a bag of spuds when they hand one to you. It's akin to the marshmallow test, except in this test, friends are there to shove the darned marshmallows down your throat!
For the record, I'll be turning 28 come October. And yet my parents, my mom in particular, are still keeping a tight leash on me. I'm almost a 30-ish freakazoid tethered to my mom like my umbilical cord hasn't been severed yet. On occasion, this can be quite self-assuring and might give you that warm fuzzy feel all over. But when it becomes more frequent, it later evolves into a sentient overbearing entity that comes between me and my mom, it then becomes a problem. I guess my mom has just grown so fond of me (and of chasing me with whistling-kettles full of boiling water around the house), she has fed this entity with so much care and love that it has already clouded her better judgment. I am an adult. Wait, that sounded odd. I AM AN ADULT. Wait. I am an adult?! What the friggin'... I am an adult! Sorry but I digress. I am an adult. A 27-year old PC-gawking, cartoon-loving, spud-binging, spectacle-sporting (and did I forget to mention responsible) adult. Our neighbor's kids wouldn't even count diddly-squat when pitted against me, and I don't mean to compare (but I'm going to anyway) but it seems that they enjoy more freedom to do things that they want. And I'm going to rub it in a bit more to show my utter frustration and lack of maturity. Considering that they are bums, and don't have decent jobs, and can be seen promenading the street (almost all the time) half-naked, I wonder why their parents let them be. I can't see the reason why my mom can't let me stay out late at night (my curfew being 11:00pm or earlier) when all the neighbor's kids practically stay up all night drinking. Unfortunately for me, the curfew has caused a virtually nonexistent social life.
And now for the reason why this blog came to be, the driving force behind this written outpouring: love. Ahh, love. Normally I would be swooning with the mere mention of this ubiquitous word. Unfortunately, now is not one of those moments. It would've been nice if this blog was conceived with the idea that I was inspired by love. Quite the contrary. I was frustrated with it. So frustrated that, instead of moping around or just sulking in the corner, I decided to utilize all the force this melange of emotions affords me - to come up with something creative and positive. And here we are. Again, I digress. I easily get off-topic when it comes to love and/or its other forms.
It has been a while since I have been tinkering with the idea of blogging and starting my own blog. I love reading. I love writing (well, I should - it's my job). I was just held back by the idea that I have to set things up, maintain it and stuff. I lacked one thing that I needed to jump-start my blogging life. And that is, motivation. Luckily, enough (or unluckily, if you pause and consider things) love provided that ingredient which has been lacking for a time. It provided me with the drive, the driving force, to push through and voilà! Aargh... Me and my digressions. Getting back on track. I was recently re-acquainted with the pain, frustration and anguish brought about by love. It was early January this year when I met someone. This particular someone had been the object of my affection since late August of last year. It has also been a while since somebody caught my fancy like this. I didn't think that I'd get this far in knowing the person. For me, this was waaaay beyond what I was hoping for before we met. I never would have thought we'd get this... well, close. Way too close for comfort.
I was pushed to the edge with frustration. I had so many plans in mind. The new budding relationship proved to have so many promises. A lot of things to do, places to go, and stuff to get to know and talk about. But alas, the plans set still remain as plans. Hopefully, this will be only for the time being. There is still a tiny fragment of hope left within me, and I'm looking forward to having a lot of these plans seeing fruition.
Another thing that pushed me to my limit: jealousy. It can work miracles or mishaps, whichever way you may want to look at it. It's another driving force behind this blog. But I guess I'll be saving that tale for another time... when I'll be needing to vent off some steam. Enough ramble. ;)
In school, there are a few things given (or even driven) to pushing you to the edge: the bully, the terror teacher and the omnipresent and bone-crushing, mind-numbing MATH. These things either break your spirit and make you cringe at the mere thought of them, or they make you stronger by surviving their ordeal. In my case I survived both the bully and the terror teacher unscathed. I learned that you can sweet-talk yourself out of compromising situations with people, but with MATH?! NO! There's no reasoning with MATH! I had to dive into countless algebraic equations and swim through a horde of numbers just so I can finish my studies. Fortunately, I made it. But the emotional scars left by MATH will forever be engraved in my psyche. Aargh!!! MATH!
After unsuccessfully dodging Statistics, Math 101 and General Accounting (ugh... reminiscing about it still gives me the chills) during college, I finished my degree in Behavioral Science. After graduation, little did I know that the objects of my anguish will become insignificant as compared to those that I'll be encountering when I enter the corporate scene.
I landed my first job in a manufacturing company. Actually, I didn't apply personally for the post there. I sorta tagged along with my classmates who were called in for an interview. I ended up filling the vacancy instead of them. Lucky for me, I was eased up rather smoothly into my job. I was having a breeze with the tasks assigned and finished earlier than scheduled. Things were quite, how should I put it, nice. Or so I thought.
The first few months passed quickly. I didn't notice that my boss was slowly piling up work on my table. It was just fine for as long as the tasks delegated were found along the lines of MY job description. Not that I minded doing extra stuff. I did a lot of 'detours' in the course of doing my job. 'Detours' that often took more time doing than what I should be really doing. I didn't mind. For a time. But when I started doing stuff found in my boss' job description, well, that's when I draw the line. At first I just thought of it as some form of training, an initiation of sorts, a succession thing if you would. But he started giving stuff to me to process, and later on present it as if he was the one who actually did it. No mention of poor me. I said fine, "Okay. I'll let it slide this time." I found myself letting the same situations slide and go, until I got pissed. You know why? Imagine a servile staff up-to-his-neck in tasks plus tasks by his not-so-nice boss plus deadlines for the following day plus client demands and requests. Then imagine this servile staff (with all of those tasks) seeing his boss: 1) talk on the phone with his posse for hours; 2) watch basketball on TV; 3) go home early despite the number of tasks served on our (or in this case, MY) plate. That was the last straw. I got so mad, I shot him. With an AK-47 automatic rifle I have been reserving for such an emergency. (I would have settled for the Molotov cocktails I made the previous night, but I figured the impact from the blast might send shrapnel flying in my direction.) I fired at him until I was satisfied. Blood splattered across his room. With innards gutting out from his stomach, he was dead. Well, at least in my mind he was dead. Ahh.. to be gifted with such a sane disposition. I love myself. Now moving on. I'll just let the janitor stuff the dead body (or what's left of it) in a black garbage bag and dump it somewhere in the vicinity.
Peer pressure. Not actually pushing you to your limits but more of testing your constitution, pushing you to do stuff you wouldn't normally do without being, well, pressured. A test of how long before you give in to a boyfriend asking for a taste of your most prized possession (well, until you lose it that is): virginity. Or even a test of how well you can fend off the influence to smoke. Or how often you resist not to binge on a bag of spuds when they hand one to you. It's akin to the marshmallow test, except in this test, friends are there to shove the darned marshmallows down your throat!
For the record, I'll be turning 28 come October. And yet my parents, my mom in particular, are still keeping a tight leash on me. I'm almost a 30-ish freakazoid tethered to my mom like my umbilical cord hasn't been severed yet. On occasion, this can be quite self-assuring and might give you that warm fuzzy feel all over. But when it becomes more frequent, it later evolves into a sentient overbearing entity that comes between me and my mom, it then becomes a problem. I guess my mom has just grown so fond of me (and of chasing me with whistling-kettles full of boiling water around the house), she has fed this entity with so much care and love that it has already clouded her better judgment. I am an adult. Wait, that sounded odd. I AM AN ADULT. Wait. I am an adult?! What the friggin'... I am an adult! Sorry but I digress. I am an adult. A 27-year old PC-gawking, cartoon-loving, spud-binging, spectacle-sporting (and did I forget to mention responsible) adult. Our neighbor's kids wouldn't even count diddly-squat when pitted against me, and I don't mean to compare (but I'm going to anyway) but it seems that they enjoy more freedom to do things that they want. And I'm going to rub it in a bit more to show my utter frustration and lack of maturity. Considering that they are bums, and don't have decent jobs, and can be seen promenading the street (almost all the time) half-naked, I wonder why their parents let them be. I can't see the reason why my mom can't let me stay out late at night (my curfew being 11:00pm or earlier) when all the neighbor's kids practically stay up all night drinking. Unfortunately for me, the curfew has caused a virtually nonexistent social life.
And now for the reason why this blog came to be, the driving force behind this written outpouring: love. Ahh, love. Normally I would be swooning with the mere mention of this ubiquitous word. Unfortunately, now is not one of those moments. It would've been nice if this blog was conceived with the idea that I was inspired by love. Quite the contrary. I was frustrated with it. So frustrated that, instead of moping around or just sulking in the corner, I decided to utilize all the force this melange of emotions affords me - to come up with something creative and positive. And here we are. Again, I digress. I easily get off-topic when it comes to love and/or its other forms.
It has been a while since I have been tinkering with the idea of blogging and starting my own blog. I love reading. I love writing (well, I should - it's my job). I was just held back by the idea that I have to set things up, maintain it and stuff. I lacked one thing that I needed to jump-start my blogging life. And that is, motivation. Luckily, enough (or unluckily, if you pause and consider things) love provided that ingredient which has been lacking for a time. It provided me with the drive, the driving force, to push through and voilà! Aargh... Me and my digressions. Getting back on track. I was recently re-acquainted with the pain, frustration and anguish brought about by love. It was early January this year when I met someone. This particular someone had been the object of my affection since late August of last year. It has also been a while since somebody caught my fancy like this. I didn't think that I'd get this far in knowing the person. For me, this was waaaay beyond what I was hoping for before we met. I never would have thought we'd get this... well, close. Way too close for comfort.
I was pushed to the edge with frustration. I had so many plans in mind. The new budding relationship proved to have so many promises. A lot of things to do, places to go, and stuff to get to know and talk about. But alas, the plans set still remain as plans. Hopefully, this will be only for the time being. There is still a tiny fragment of hope left within me, and I'm looking forward to having a lot of these plans seeing fruition.
Another thing that pushed me to my limit: jealousy. It can work miracles or mishaps, whichever way you may want to look at it. It's another driving force behind this blog. But I guess I'll be saving that tale for another time... when I'll be needing to vent off some steam. Enough ramble. ;)
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