Stop Repeating the Past 10 Ways to Break Away From Repetition Compulsion

We keep making the same mistakes & engaging in the same destructive behaviors even when we know better. Here are 10 ways to stop repeating the past.

Repeating the past and making the same mistakes is repetition compulsion, according to Sigmund Freud. This in psychiatric terms means "the blind impulse to repeat earlier experiences and situations quite irrespective of any advantage that doing so might bring from a pleasure-pain point of view." In regular words, it means that we're repeating the past, making the same mistakes, and constantly complaining about the results – and yet we keep doing it!

Stop Repeating the Past: Why We Struggle With Repetition Compulsion

Repetition compulsion or repeating the past involves recreating the same dynamics that we experienced as children. If your childhood was filled with verbal abuse and fear, then you may be more comfortable living with abuse and fear as an adult – and so you pick a partner who calls you names or pushes you around. This is repeating the past. If you were the "good kid" who didn't cause trouble and always helped out, you may be inclined to make people happy (the people pleaser). Again, you're repeating your past or making the same mistake.

For some, repeating the past means complaining about never making money in the stock market – because they never invest or move their money around. For others, repeating the past means waking up with a hangover and no idea where the car is – and doing it again the next weekend, or even the next day. It's about repeating the past or making the same "mistakes". However, repeating the past isn't about mistakes.

Repeating the past or repetition compulsion could involve picking friends who take advantage of you, or accepting jobs that don't offer a chance of promotion or professional development. Repeating the past is pursuing the same dead ends over and over again, or engaging in the same self-destructive behavior. It's making the same mistakes. To stop repeating the past, you must first determine if you are repeating the past.

Repetition compulsion or repeating the past includes:

* Emotional eating, or eating too much or too little
* Drinking too much or alcoholism
* Unsafe, unprotected promiscuity
* Drug addiction
* Working all the time, workaholism
* Constant misery, complaining, or sour attitude - a common form of repeating the past
* Chronically choosing the wrong man or woman
* Picking the same type of friends (bad ones)
* Chronic negativity or pessimism
* Trying to "make" others love us - another common form of repeating the past
* Constant financial struggles
* Persistent struggles with illness or disease

How to determine if you're repeating the past:

You consistently ignore the negative consequences of your actions (and you're obviously repeating the past). For example, when you're stressed about work you always eat donuts, potato chips, and chocolate bars until midnight – then wake up feeling disgustingly fat and sluggish. Yet, you ignore the awful feelings and not only do you keep on eating, you don't deal with the source of the stress (e.g., get a different job or delegate some responsibilities). You're repeating the past and suffering for it.

10 ways to stop repeating the past:

1. Counseling with a therapist familiar with repetition compulsion.
2. Self-awareness and honesty.
3. Books. To stop repeating the past, read about habits and motivation.
4. Workshops or lectures about repetition compulsion.
5. Support groups.
6. Friends or family that will support you as you stop repeating the past.
7. Crisis moment or pivotal experience (eg, experience with death).
8. Medication (if you're depressed, for instance, learn about antidepressants).
9. Quitting cold turkey.
10. Find relief through vacations, exercise, hobbies, new activities. To stop repeating the past, you may need to distract yourself.

When you're trying to stop repeating the past, you may not know which way will work best for you until you try each method. Pick the most obvious or easiest method to stop repeating the past, give it your best shot, and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then pick another path. A combination of things (such as books and support groups) is an often effective way to stop repeating the past.

There may be no easy answers – but at least you're aware of your tendency towards repeating the past.

This article was taken from Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen's site, http://theadventurouswriter.com/.

This is me.

I am John. Most people I know call me by that name. Close relatives call me Jay. If you want to live through the ordeal of reading this crap, call me John. Thank you.

• I am extremely ordinary: I have no special talents and I look painfully plain. Too plain even for my bland taste.

• I am not particularly deep. I easily laugh at stuff. Even the corniest of jokes would crack me up. It also doesn't take much to bring a tear to my eye. A sweet gesture, even the smallest of things, would be very much appreciated.

• I love watching cartoons. I love The Fairly Oddparents, Danny Phantom, SpongeBob SquarePants, Looney Tunes, Ben 10, Justice League, Legion of Superheroes, The Batman, Teen Titans, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Dexter's Lab, What's New Scooby Doo? Courage the Cowardly Dog, Tom and Jerry, The New Woody Woodpecker Show, Totally Spies, Martin Mystery, Cow and Chicken, The Powerpuff Girls, Batman Beyond, Batman the Animated Series, X-Men, X-Men: Evolution, Godzilla, Extreme Ghostbusters, The Little Lulu Show, Garfield and Friends, Scooby Doo, Where Are You? The Adventures of Tintin, Visionaries, Tigersharks, Wild C.A.T.S., The Real Ghostbusters, Thundercats, She-Ra Princess of Power and He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I also love animé! I watch Pokémon, Doraemon, Detective Conan, Blood+, Cardcaptor Sakura, Hunter X Hunter, Slayers, Ninku, YuYu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, Yaiba, Voltron: Defender of the Universe, Zenki, Ranma 1/2, Trigun, Virtua Fighters and Weiß Kreuz to name a few. I could watch a marathon of any of these shows at any given time.

• I like to read books, magazines, articles and just about anything that is thought-provoking. At times when I want to soak up on new words, I read the nearest dictionary available. And yes, I read the dictionary. Uh no, I am not weird. If I do read something, it means that it has piqued my interest. I seldom read novels as I tend to lose interest midway; especially if the author hasn't got the good stuff to keep my eyes glued to his material. If ever I do get the chance to read one (and be able to finish it), it means that I was kept wanting until the end (which, I think, is a good thing).

• I take pleasure in meddling with other people's lives, although most meddling instances occur only inside my head. This is probably because of my abysmal curiosity. I want to know: a) what goes on inside your head; b) what makes you tick; c) what makes you smile; d) what are your deepest secrets and the reasons you have for keeping these things unknown to the rest of the world; e) what do you think about when you're alone; f) what food do you like; g) what makes you do what you do; h) how would you react to certain stimuli and other stuff that randomly comes to mind every time I get to thinking.

• I always offer unsolicited advice. No, wait. I always GIVE unsolicited advice. So beware. And be prepared to just ignore me when I do.

• I am a keen observer in the lives of many who surround me. Since I was a kid, I've always felt compelled to watch those who are around me. Watching their every move, taking note of the nuances in their behavior. It was like I was waiting for something to happen and I wanted to be aware and prepared when that something does.

• I love to eat (which is made blatantly obvious by my girth). I love spud-based dishes and snacks. I adore pasta coupled with the oil-slathered, carb-rich, artery-clogging, pizzas.

• I like to cook. And thankfully enough 95% of the people I cooked for have survived my kind of food. They loved it. The rest didn't live long enough to have seconds. I WONDER what ever happened to them...

• I am open to experimenting and try new things. Yes. I am adventurous (even if it would not seem like it at first). Though admittedly, there would be times that I'd hesitate and refuse to try something new, I am mostly receptive to stuff I haven't had my grimy hands (or jagged teeth) on.

• I mussitate. I talk (out loud) to myself, especially, when I am in duress.

• I am a scaredy cat. Despite this fact, I have a strong penchant for horror, thriller and mystery flicks. I like the ones that evoke spine-chilling, raising-the-hair-at-the-back-of-your-neck stuff, especially the ones that make their scenes linger in your head even after the credits finish rolling. If a movie has had such an effect on me as to leave me paranoid (more than usual), then it's definitely scary. Well, that or my steroid-packed imagination is acting up again.

• I like chocolates! I'm not much of a nutty or nougat-filled chocolate person (though I like Toblerone and Snickers). I love Hershey's Milk Chocolate, M&M's Plain, Cadbury Milk Chocolate, Swiss truffles, Maltesers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, KitKat, and Twix.

• I like playing handheld and console games. I have had a Gameboy, a Gameboy Color, a Gameboy Advance, Gameboy Advance SP, a PSX, a PSOne, and a PS2. Yes, I know. What a gamer I turned out to be when I just happen to own only 2 gaming consoles. I do have plans of getting my own Xbox 360, GameCube, Wii and PS3. I just want to get my own house first so I could set up a gaming room where I could put all of these stuff in.

• I adore ice cream! I'm especially fond of the Selecta's Vanilla Ice Cream (which I top with Nesquik chocolate syrup); the Nestlé Crunch Ice Cream Bar; the Blue Bunny Premium Ice Cream Homemade Chocolate and Milk Chocolate Ice Cream Bar. Häagen-Dazs' Crème Brûlée and Dulce de Leche is SIMPLY to die for. Seriously. Have you tried it? The poverty of words simply cannot begin to define the sweet, velvety taste of these confections. As with my chocolates, I'm not too fond of nuts, mallows, or anything "intrusive" in my delightful heaven.

• I hate being late, being made to wait or moving around slow people (especially when I'm in a pickle). At the risk of sounding uncouth, I would say that it would be (uneducatedly) unfair for someone to make somebody else wait (on their account). That's why I try to be early on appointments. I know that not everybody would share the same sentiments, but I guess there's nothing wrong in being early (and expressing my utter disdain for those people who are taking their precious time wandering about not mindful of those who are waiting for them). I guess it would be okay to be late as long as you don't have anybody waiting for you. Otherwise, it would just be plain rude. As for the slow folks, try not to hog sidewalks, escalators or passageways. There are others (like me) who would rather pace quickly and do more important stuff other than lag behind you slowpokes.

• I am impatient (evidently enough based on the latter). Enough said.

• I understand spoken French. I try to read a lot of bande dessinée, listen to music and watch TV5 more for practice. Getting into a conversation with a native speaker would be a struggle, but not impossible.

• I tend to lose IQ points in the presence of magnificence or gorgeousness. I either turn into a blabbering idiot or a lifeless stump. Aargh. If I do manage to get my tongue twisted in your company... well, that's your cue.

• I get a lot of people (who would later become friends of mine) who come up to me and tell me stuff that one wouldn't readily share with just anybody. And I do mean stuff you couldn't easily share with casual acquaintances. There came a time when I asked myself if I had this sign on my forehead, "Tell me your woes and secrets." Not that I am complaining. It's just that it never ceases to amaze me that people come to trust and let me in on their most guarded secrets. It feels good to know that these people come to you and have the utmost confidence that they'd never need to be worried that our conversations would go out or something. I also feel that they have no thoughts that they'd be prejudiced against, be mocked or even be placed under scrutiny when they come to me. Otherwise, they wouldn't have come at all.

• I love listening to people (which would also help explain the latter). I am not that talkative, but I do know how or when to speak up. It just takes a bit of a spark to get me going in a conversation. I mean, if the person doesn't push the right buttons, I would hardly speak up. It also works better for me (most of the time) if the other party talks more than I do.

• I'd love to travel more. And spend less.

I'd love to write more but, for now, this would suffice. More on this as soon as the steroids kick in. Au revoir!

Panalong Pre-Nup Video

bado+sugar prenup music video from noel bentulan on Vimeo.

Havaianas or Spartan?

Pangalan: Havaianas

Lugar na pinanggalingan: São Paulo , Brazil

Pagbigkas:
ah-vai-YAH-nas (Brazilian Portuguese)
hah-vee-ah-naz (American English)
OMG! hah-va-yaH-naZz! (Filipino)

Materyal na ginamit: Malupit na goma (high-quality rubber).

Presyo: Depende. Ganito na lang, 1 pares ng Havaianas = 100 pares ng Spartan.

Mga nagsusuot:
Mga konyotik at mga mayayaman (na noong una ay nababaduyan sa mga naka-de sipit na tsinelas at sasabihing, "Yuck! So baduy naman nila, naka-slippers lang.")

Malulupit na katangian at kakayahan:
- Masarap isuot.
- Shock-absorbent
- Malambot ngunit matibay
- Makukuha sa sandamakmak na kulay, disenyo at burloloy
- Maaaring isuot sa loob ng starbucks
- Mainam na pang-japorms
- Mainam i-terno sa I-Pod at Caramel Macchiato
- Mapipilitan kang maglinis ng mga kuko mo sa paa
- Maaari ka nang mag-dikwatro sa loob ng mga pampublikong lugar at sasakyan
- Magiging 'fashionable' ka kapag ikaw ay nagkukuyakoy
Olats na mga katangian:
Mahal!
Mahal!
Mahal!


Pangalan: Spartan

Lugar na Pinanggalingan: Metro Manila , Philippines

Pagbigkas:
spar-tan (American English),
is-par-tan (Filipino).

Materyal na ginamit: Pipitsuging goma (Low-quality rubber).

Presyo: Wala pang 50 pesos. Isang pares ng Spartan = 20 piraso ng pan de coco.

Mga nagsusuot: ang masa (gaya-gaya lang ang mga sosyal at pasyonista)

Malulupit na katangian at kakayahan:
- Maaring ipampatay sa ipis
- Maaring ipampalo sa mga batang suwail at damuho
- Pwedeng ipanglusong sa baha at putikan
- Pwedeng ipamalengke
- Mainam gamitin sa tumbang-preso
- Mainam gawing 'shield' kapag naglalaro ng espa-espadahan
- Mainam isuot sa siko bilang proteksyon habang naglalaro ng piko
- Mainam na pambato sa picha o shuttlecock na sumabit sa puno
- Mainam na pangkulob sa pumuputok na watusi
- Kapag ginupit-gupit nang pahugis 'cube,' e maaari mo nang gawing pamato sa larong Bingo na kadalasang makikita sa mga lamay ng patay.
Olats na mga katangian:
- Madaling magkawalaan kapag hinubad dahil halos pare-pareho lang ang itsura
- Masakit isuot kapag may mga balahibo ang mga daliri mo sa paa
- Minsan kapag ipinambato mo ito sa picha o shuttlecock na nakasabit sa puno, e nadadamay pati yung tsinelas

Was about to try something new...

I was on my way to the office when it started drizzling. I was glad that I was still inside the bus when it did. Instead of a scorching-sunny-wet-your-armpits-like-hell morning, it was raining! Yay! It WAS a great morning for me. A great way to start off the week. I had thought of doing something new today. Something to resolve my utter lack of rationality last week... Something possibly life-altering (alam ko, OA na ito... but hey, that's how I felt).

I got to the office brimming with hope and enthusiasm for the coming days. I think I got an idea. And then something happened.

I was already in the office. I put down my implements and supply cache for the week. Then I opened the fan just to dry myself. I opened my PC. The PC was booting when suddenly, pak! The fan sparked a blue light and it went off. The smell of burnt electric cords wafted and filled the area. I turned the fan off and pulled off the cord. I took it out. Then I saw that my PC didn't boot! Aargh. Good thing though that it was only the AVR that conked out. Had a change of AVR units and I was back in business. I thought that that was it. I could go on as planned.

Then along came my good friend Karl. He enquired why I was ignoring him last week (around Thursday and Friday). Sabi ko, I wasn't ignoring him. I was just probably busy with something. Besides, I couldn't remember receiving an IM from him. Seeing as how reliable my memory is and how it has served me quite well, I was prompted to view the archive of messages from last week to prove my point (and innocence).

Gasp! And aargh! No archives. Gasp!

I was exasperated and I hyperventilated for a couple of minutes. And then I decided to write this.

I still am contemplating on trying the new stuff I thought about before this morning's minor mishaps. It just got me to thinking. Maybe this will work. More on this later. ;)